1.12.14

My Own Race.

As I was woken with a 'pinch and a punch' from my children this morning, I lamented how fast this year has gone. The first day of December, here already.  It doesn't seem that long ago that I was decorating the house, writing lists, buying gifts and preparing for last Christmas, and yet, here we are again. Time flies when you are having fun.....or getting older....(I prefer the former).


And as I lay there reflecting on another December arriving just too quickly for my liking, the words of John Lennon's Happy Christmas (War is Over) repeated in my head - 


So this is Christmas,
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun.

So this is Christmas....and what have I done?  Looking back over my goals for the start of the year, it would be easy to say - not much.  I will admit that I didn't achieve many of my goals this year. And possibly in years past, I would have beaten myself up over my (perceived) lack of accomplishment. Words like "failure" and "not very good" would have filled my mind and I would probably have moped around a little wondering what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I get it together like everyone else seemed to?


You see, in years' past, I have been great at playing the comparison game - which I know is a terrible, unhealthy game to play. (I will blame my perfectionist ways and my self-imposed expectations for my participation).  Sometimes, against my wishes, the old habits have slipped in and I've caught myself measuring immeasurable things: my current reality versus someone else's completely different circumstances, which has led to all sorts of self-inflicted emotional bruises and a lot of failed expectations on my behalf.  Which really, is not a nice way to get through life. 

But something changed for me this year. Something clicked. 




I finally learned to run my own race.

I was tired of comparing and running someone else's race. I was tired of not doing enough, or not being enough. I was just plain tired.



So, this year saw me break free of ideals and judgements others had placed on me over time, and also let go of my own expectations of trying to please others. 


This year, I finally learned to focus on the path before me and not the path that others are walking on. I finally learned to keep my own pace and not burn myself out in trying to keep up with those who are full steam ahead of me. And I finally learned that it's okay to be where I am. Because right where I am is where I'm meant to be. 

So this is Christmas,
And what have you done?

It doesn't matter that I didn't achieve everything I set out to do this year. At the end of the day, if I have learned some heart lessons, remained faithful to my Creator and grown more into who I was created to be, then that is what matters. 


All else fades.